So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
