I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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