They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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