YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
