half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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