I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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