I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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