College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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