My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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