your thong is hanging out like whoa
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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