You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
