I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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