I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
