Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
