Yo dont text me then not text me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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