do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
