He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
