I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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