I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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