Just cropdusted the office
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
