i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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