Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
