I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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