Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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