I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Randomize
