I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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