Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
