Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
