Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
nutella sex= disaster
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
