I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
