Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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