I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
