I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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