i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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