Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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