New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i've created a new STD.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
