did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
