Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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