i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I only lived at night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
