Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
