apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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