conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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