So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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