So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
