omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
