You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
