ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
