You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
