i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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