Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
