i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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