Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
