He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
