i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
