im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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