can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
