She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.