apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.