her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.