Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up