I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I spit up blood this morning
it's great music for shaving your balls
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.